牧野友子

Tomoko Makino

My mother suddenly muttered  “You never know what was good until the end of your life.” when we were discussing which junior high school her grandchild should choose. Although she was referring to something completely different, these her words made me come to think about the afterlife of myself. After my father's death, my family -a nuclear family- began worshipping at the Buddhist altar for him. As I went about my daily formal religious activities, I began to wonder,“What in the world do we do this for?” I wondered if this daily routine taken for granted was really leading to the mourning for my father.  Keeping mementos in a box and taking good care of them is a form of mourning. However, taking them out of it and thinking of the deceased should be also another form of mourning. We will never know what was good of our past regrets, our future or our present choice until the end of our life.  With these thoughts in my mind, I began  mourning on my own way.